a fool...
Sunday, July 31, 2005 4:30 PM
hmmm...
dun worry peeps..
im alright now..
yep..
reali..
dun worry..
thanks for your concerN =)
hmmm...
sians..
lazy to do anythg..
weekends are always lidat..
i seems to be under a curse lidat..
always tell myself must treasure next weekends..
in the end same thg happened..
laziness curse..
hahas..
actually wanna go bugis with mum..
but dad was home jus now..
tot he would bring me out dis week..
who noes..
he went out again!!!
argh...
left alone with a monster at home..
tat pig monster..
BINGO!
my bro...
wells...
perhaps slping is a good way to pass time..
tats wad im going to do now..
bye..
sweet dreaMs to me =)
-gones-
*hapPie birthDaE to yOu*
*may all youR dreaMs n wisheS come truE*
*forget all the unhappinesS in the past*
*movE on with youR life*
*last but not least*
*smiLe alwaYs*
*`-wanna be a fooL no more-`*
fuck oFF!
Friday, July 29, 2005 2:17 PM
wad the f**k!!!
was bloggin halfway then the windows jus shut off!!
wad the bloody fucK!!!
jus got so pissed off easily after wad happened last night..
cca photo taking todae..
didn't take with them..
cos my eyes were swollen n i cant smile!!!
i reali cant!!!
so went back to clasS..
brought my uniform n stuffs to sch..
cabbed down with ling n ziyi todae early in the morning..
but i didn't get change..
evrybody was asking me why didn't i go..
so told them honestly i dun wan lo..
wad the f**k..
i hate it..
i hate my mum invading my privacy..
jus feel like shutting myself from the outside world..
off my hp n isolate myself..
feel like deleting all the msgs in my inbox..
but i cant bear to...
perhaps i should learn to be more hard-hearted =)
history repeated itself again..
i seems to be back to last yr..
cutting myself on purpose..
hurting myself..
n i seems to enjoy it..
not as serious as last time..
jus some lines on my arms..
hahas..
after tat i feel like a fool..
cos i look down on ppl who hurt themselves..
now..
i hate myself toO..
beginning to..
as i said before..
physical pain cant be compared to the pain emotionally..
so i use physical pain to relieve the pain in me..
stupid right?
yes i know..
go ahead n scold me if u wan =)
i dun seems like who i m anymore?
i give up hopes easily now?
perhaps..
hahas..
im not as great as u think..
im not as strong as you think..
so sry..
i think i cant liven your life anymore..
cos i NEVER have the ability to do tat!!!
i NEVER have the ability to cheer ppl at all!!!
I AM NTH BUT TROUBLE!!!!
now i know..
when ppl reali cant get hold of themselves..
they will do the thgs which they dun even wish to..
jus like me..
i tot i will nv cut myself again...
but i did it again!!!
im jus a bloody damn idiot..!!!
dun understand..
why others, their mum can trust them?
how come mine dun???!!!
why??!!!
wad the fucK i did??!!!
im trying hard to study now..
n i didn't get involve in any BGR at the moment..
why??!!
why cant she jus trust me???!!!
n wad if i have..
does it matter..
anyway she jus dun trust me at all!!!!
fucK off..
she nv give me any encouragement before..
she looks down on me!!!
whenever i feel a sense of hope..
her words will seems to take my hopes away..
why??!!!
why is my mum lidat???!!!
is not tat i wanna hate her..
I DUN WANT TO!!!
but she is pushing me to my limits..
i reali feel tat i cant take it anymore..
im tired...
im a human toO..
i need some support at times you know..
sometime i reali wish to leave this place..
far away from here..
from all the pain..
im jus a coward..
so???!!!
I M NTH BUT TROUBLE..!!!
leave me alone!!!
*`-in all human relationships, trust is most important-`*
as usual...
Thursday, July 28, 2005 6:00 PM
waa...
damn hot..
though i've jus showered..
still very hot!!!
weird weather..
wells..
hmmm...
finally finshed watching the VCD..
so damn nice..
no mind watching again..
hahas..
want also cant..
if not i'll get addicted again..
hahas..
nvm la..
after exams i can watch until i shuang..
the song also very very nice..
i guess the song affected my mood..
the song simply cant stop recurring in my mind..
sad song..
well well..
but it's reali very nice!
must learn it after exams..
hehes..
hopefully i can master it..
then i can listen non-stop..
play on guitar or piano also can =)
waiting for tat dae to come =)
hahas..
mm..
have been thinking abt the future..
if i ever get rich..
i'll be very fan..
cos i duno where to spend it!!!
hahas...
got money for me can alr..
im contended..
i told my mum n guess wad she said?
"for fear u still got no money by then ar"
wad e..
always suan me..
but nvm..
mayb quite true lo..
on my way home..
at the overbridge..
i saw a guy in a full white set of uniform opposite..
reminded me of him..
his bdae is in a few daes time if im not wrong..
30th or 31st..
wells..
let's talk abt todae..
photo-taking todae..
this year, shun wei got 'thrown' down..
not reali thrown la..
ivan gave him a push..
since he cant balance then he decided to jump lo..
commit sucide..
hahas..
was wondering how does the photo looks like..
hahas..
hmmm..
i m nv nice in photo la..
so dun need to ask me..
hahas..
hais..
reali think im in deep shit lo..
exams drawing nearer..
i seems so unprepared..
still failing class tests..
then prelim how..
-shakes head-
well well..
esp eng..
must brush up..
my eng suxS!
must read more..
write more..
so decided to write one compo per week at least..
the more the merrier..
hahas..
to genieve:
stop being childish..
i know you love me..
but i still have to sae..
i rocKs your world!!!
facts are facts..
accept it..
hahas..
to zhen yaO:
happie bdae to ya..
u may not rmb me..
but anyway..
pardon me for not remembering..
good luck in wadever yOu do..
stay happie always =)
n to juntang:
happie bdae to ya..
stay happie always =)
lastly to me (T_T):
gal ar gal..
dun think toO much..
do u harm..
stay determined to study now!!
(stupid remarks..hahas..)
-even if memories fades..love will stay on-
my determination is shaken..
Monday, July 25, 2005 7:00 PM
wad has got into me???
my determination is shaken..
-confused-
hais..
Friday, July 22, 2005 2:00 PM
todae back very very early..
one plus..
hmm..
came back slack..
looking at bloggs..
went to bao ying's blog..
saw her taggboard..
got spam by ppl..
wad e hell..
com duno over how long alr..
abt nco selection also wanna spam..
spam spam spam..
chlidish..
a bunch of sore losers..
dare to spam dun dare to put name..
to e spammer(s):
if you're capable..
then be peirce AOIC la..
OIC better still ar..
if not fucK off..
hahas..
oh ya..
peirce won't want dis kinda of sore losers..
peirce want ppl with leadership..
u have?
want ppl who're nice..
are you?
ppl who are forgiving..
are you?
hahas..
these basic also don't have..
then shut up..
why?
see ppl got stead u jealous ar?
find one la..
ehh..
i tell u e truth la..
current AOICs is e ex aoics choose one..
which means im one of them..
bao ying is i recommend one..
so?
happy with the ans?
check properly b4 spamming..
if not will throw face one..
get it?
hmmm..
spoil my mood of blogging todae..
blogg again e next time..
-gones-
upset...
Thursday, July 21, 2005 5:30 PM
mm..
todae came back later..
sch dismissed at 2.30pm..
then went amk central with vien n ling..
got quite a lot of stuffs..
also not reali alot..
buy d t stuffs n some others..
decorations for my room..
mm..
n sths for sth..
yar..
hahas..
todae was rather err..
how should i sae it..
hmmm..
let's see..
start my dae with tons of craps(as usual)..
then time flies..
after recess..
was so sians..
isolated myself from the activity..
cos i cant DRAW!!!
wells..
switched off then..
thought of stuffs..
as i was thinking..
i became very down..
even geng hui also noticed it..
came to ask me wad happened..
as usual..
i keep it to myself..
at tat moment..
i jus felt like crying..
jus feel like venting my unhappiness..
but cant..
so i kept very very quiet..
i think if i go missing tat time also nobody know..
hahas =')
hais..
in a loss..
wad got into me man..
mood swing perhaps..
hahas..
wells..
sigh..
jus got very troubled..
frenes n stuffs..
all alone..
i was thinking..
these days after my darkest periods last yr..
m i using craps..
works n stuffs to numb myself..
or m i reali happie?
i don't know myself too..
sigh..
one thg for sure..
i've got over euu..
i don't miss u anymore..
i found the meaning of life n im gotta live each dae with no regrets..
i promise..
sigh..
got so worried of my exams..
im scared..
wad if i don't well..
wad if i got not enough time to finish studying..
wad if i flung my exams..
wad if..
wad if..
wad if..
these 'wad if's jus made me feel so down..
sigh..
i don't wanna repeat another year..
sigh..
i jus got so down =(
**anyways..
thanks geng hui..
sry..
i used to keeping everythg to myself..
thanks for your concern..
promises..
Wednesday, July 20, 2005 2:45 PM
mm..
let's see..
came back damn early todae..
it's been quite a while since i came back at this time =)
mm..
actually going to army market to get some stuffs..
but lazy..
hahas..
wanna go central..
see got the thgs i want anot..
later lo..
hahas..
lazy..
mm..
when im alone..
i tend to think of stuffs..
abt life n stuffs..
find my inspirations..
hahas..
todae is not expectional too =)
for one rason or another..
i tend to get angry when i know my frenes smoke..
perhaps tat explain why i ignored matt tat time..
wells..
not reali angry..
but disappointed i guess..
i used to have a thinking..
smokers frenes?
leave them alone..
but now i think..
i will nv think dis way again..
i'll nv give up hope on them..
i'll help them wholeheartedly..
perhaps i've brought harm to matt by not helping him..
nv even advice him..
sorry matt..
as for now..
i decided to help someone..
to tat someone..
nv give up hope..
resist your temptation..
tell yourself you can do it..
i'll try my best to help you..
i promise**
-hold on to the promise n nv let it go-
finally...
Wednesday, July 13, 2005 3:00 PM
finally can reach home early..
FINALLY you know..
hahas..
rather busy these days..
speech dae rehearsal..
n go lmt pte ltd..
know wad tat means?
leow mun tat private limtied lo..
go kai gong..
do dnt la..
hahas..
so tired.
esp dis 2 days..
mondae rehearsal ends at 7pm..
ytd ends at 8.30pm..
but lucky sch start late todae..
still got liang xin..
hahas..
reach sch on the dot todae..
8.15am..
todae very slpy..
so slept in class..
as expected..
hahas..
first lesson of the dae..
ss lesson..
surrender ar..
i nv study for test..
hahas..
so concussed halfway..
wake up..
stupid geng hui kp saying stupid thgs..
this how his dirty joke goes..
let me tell u a dirty joke...
(READ IT SENTENCE BYE SENTENCE. DON'T CHEAT.)
a man at home change into his pyjamas..
then walked out of his hse n into e street..
there is mud there..
so he stand next to it..
then a lorry came by n splashed the mud at him..
ya finish..
my reaction was:
o_O "finish alr ar?"
stupid right..
wad the..
hahas..
it is not funny geng hui..
stop trying to be funny..
cos u're not like me..
naturally a joker kaes..
(no preservetives added)
hahas..
kk..
funny?
not funny?
fine..
hahas..
k..
gotta go eat,study,slp..
prelim coming..
12 sept..
argh..
that's fast o_O"
argh!!!
-gones-
good luckk
Sunday, July 10, 2005 12:00 AM
good luckk for peeps going com tml..
jia yOuu..
all the best..
i know u can do it..
have faith...
nth is impossible..
BEST OF LUCK!!!
TAKE OUT YOUR FIGHTING SPRIT!!!
ouch!
Tuesday, July 05, 2005 6:45 PM
hais..
im so tired..
i think my oral won't do very well..
hais..
gone case..
hais..
hais..
hais..
having gastric e whole dae..
if not is stomachache..
hais..
headache..
wad e hell..
hais..
suddenly got very bad mood..
perhaps is im tired..
hais..
im so tired!!!
hais..
im so tired..
reali need a shoulder to lie on..
cry..
slp..
a hug..
or wadever..
hais..
im jus so tired..
-running away-
bad mood!
Monday, July 04, 2005 5:52 PM
went out todae..
went out with lyna n yvonne..
had lunch n watch movie..
latest movie in town..
war of e world..
a very nice show =)
must catch it..
but ppl like ppl who are timid..
will get freak out by e sounds..
hahas..
is not e movie i find it scary..
is the sounds!!
wells..
not onli me think so..
yvonne n lyna too..
hahas..
well well..
i hate dishonest ppl!!!
i hate liars!!!
don't let me know it's u..
u're making me hating u even more!
i hate u!!!
stop treating ppl this way if u don't want ppl to treat lidat in return..
i look down on u!!!
