Sigh
Monday, September 29, 2008 10:26 AM
I know it's kinda surprising i wake up at this kinda timing and i even blog. Yes, you're right. I won't be up at this time unless i've got work, school or something on. Today's different. I was awoken by dad. No, i didn't get reprimanded for the accident matter but cos of his work stuff instead.
Nvm. I have already mentioned a lot of times, it isn't my fault that it is not done yet. Forget it, i am tired of explaining already. I am fine already after crying. It sucks! Dad seldom throw his temper. But today? I hate being accused. Screw this shit!
I am tired. But i can't sleep anymore. For the meantime, shall wait for baby to get up and call me. Sigh. Baby, iseriouslyneedahug! ):
Nvm. I have already mentioned a lot of times, it isn't my fault that it is not done yet. Forget it, i am tired of explaining already. I am fine already after crying. It sucks! Dad seldom throw his temper. But today? I hate being accused. Screw this shit!
I am tired. But i can't sleep anymore. For the meantime, shall wait for baby to get up and call me. Sigh. Baby, iseriouslyneedahug! ):
Labels: Baby Turtle, myself
It sucks!
1:13 AM
//Life is bittersweet at times.
2 days have passed. Maybe i've got over it, maybe i haven't. At least i aren't feeling so emotional bout it anymore, but still, i am learning to accept. Since it had happened, nothing i can do except to accept the fact. The fact that i got involved in an accident, i was at fault. Wasn't focusing on the road. It's solely my fault.
I know it's a very common thing that always happened on the road. And the possibility that one got involve in an accident on the road is rather high, be it you cause it or other factors. But maybe this is my first time involving in such things. And to be honest, i was really freaked out. At that point of time, i was really trembling in fear. I don't know what to do, i lost my senses for a moment. First time involving in one, and worst, i was the cause of it. And worst! It happened when my license is not even a year! That car's back bumper was really gone! My car and both us the drivers were alright. What an asshole i am!
Baby just sent me the photos she took of that car. Looking at it, it simply makes me even more upset! Sigh!
Oh well. I realised no point dwelling too much on it like what everyone said to me. What happened had already happened. I can't turn back time. I just gotta accept and walk outta it. Afterall, this won't be the last accident i will involve in this lifetime, i predict. Sigh, i've sorta lose confident in driving. Just think that i don't have talent in it. I guess the parents, the family have lost confident with me too. Oh well. What can i do? Practically, nothing.
AHHHHHH! Things just hasn't been going on well for me lately. One thing after another, simply feels like giving up. Sucks!
Work these few days was pretty fine. As usual, nice customers made my day. But those nasty customers, they can kiss the toad. Colleagues there were nice to work with. This roadshow, i have certainly make a couple of friends. They are even organizing a bbq this coming tuesday. Shall see if i will go cos i am working till 9pm that day.
Sigh. Can't help keep sighing. Can't help keep ranting bout that night. Can't help feeling bad bout it. But i think if i were to go on and on, i will piss people off. Oh well, drop the subject. I shall stop for the day and do my stuffs. I am dead beat. Nights.
2 days have passed. Maybe i've got over it, maybe i haven't. At least i aren't feeling so emotional bout it anymore, but still, i am learning to accept. Since it had happened, nothing i can do except to accept the fact. The fact that i got involved in an accident, i was at fault. Wasn't focusing on the road. It's solely my fault.
I know it's a very common thing that always happened on the road. And the possibility that one got involve in an accident on the road is rather high, be it you cause it or other factors. But maybe this is my first time involving in such things. And to be honest, i was really freaked out. At that point of time, i was really trembling in fear. I don't know what to do, i lost my senses for a moment. First time involving in one, and worst, i was the cause of it. And worst! It happened when my license is not even a year! That car's back bumper was really gone! My car and both us the drivers were alright. What an asshole i am!
Baby just sent me the photos she took of that car. Looking at it, it simply makes me even more upset! Sigh!
Oh well. I realised no point dwelling too much on it like what everyone said to me. What happened had already happened. I can't turn back time. I just gotta accept and walk outta it. Afterall, this won't be the last accident i will involve in this lifetime, i predict. Sigh, i've sorta lose confident in driving. Just think that i don't have talent in it. I guess the parents, the family have lost confident with me too. Oh well. What can i do? Practically, nothing.
AHHHHHH! Things just hasn't been going on well for me lately. One thing after another, simply feels like giving up. Sucks!
Work these few days was pretty fine. As usual, nice customers made my day. But those nasty customers, they can kiss the toad. Colleagues there were nice to work with. This roadshow, i have certainly make a couple of friends. They are even organizing a bbq this coming tuesday. Shall see if i will go cos i am working till 9pm that day.
Sigh. Can't help keep sighing. Can't help keep ranting bout that night. Can't help feeling bad bout it. But i think if i were to go on and on, i will piss people off. Oh well, drop the subject. I shall stop for the day and do my stuffs. I am dead beat. Nights.
!@#$%^&*
Sunday, September 28, 2008 12:14 AM
When the whole world is rejoicing, here i am crying. I think i am better off alone.
Labels: random
Wednesday, September 24, 2008 1:17 AM
Not easy. It is really not easy having to be outta the study mood for so long, and yet now, i have to force myself to sit in front of my papers for hours. It's tough, you know! I always lose my attention. Grrr! I keep having the urge to play my psp and computer games every now and then. But of cos, i didn't.
If not for janice, i wouldn't have realise vacation is coming to an end. Oh man! Seems like the vacation only started last week to me you know. Now what?! It's coming to end!?! Hello?! I haven't have my fair share of fun yet! *Pouts* My zoo trip with baby, sentosa trip with classmates and meet up with a lot of old friends and not forgetting movies! I have fulfill none of the above yet! 2 more weeks, and i will be back to school compound mugging and project-ing like a dog again! Wth! Time flies like oh my god la! There are loads of things i have yet to do! ):
On a lighter note, this holiday i've made another bunch of new friends at work. No idea how long will we be keeping this passion on, but well, there were fun lots of people to be with. And based on the first impression, we sure are people of different personalities. Well, for the first time, i am kinda looking forward to go back to work later (:
Ahh! Well, nowadays i keep waking up with my heart thumping fast. I don't know why. Maybe i am feeling insecure. But wait a minute, isn't my bed and pillows my comfort? Hmm. Okay, i am being random here.
Damn! The paper is at 9am later. To be honest, i am not really very confident of it. Oh well, g offered to pick me to school later in the morning. Thanks buddy! Seems like i always trouble him though he always said it's okay ): Sorry g!
Well. You know what, this buddy of mine never fail to be there for me some way or somehow whenever i am feeling down. May not be physically here. But hmm, you know what i mean. To all, i think he is really a good friend. With all his doings all this while, sometime, i seriously can't help being guilty towards him for i think as a friend, i didn't really do my part. I can't be there for him whenever he needs someone to ): Sigh.
Many times, i looked back to the past hoping that things will still remain as it is. Every now and then, I read my blog archives, i read all the phone messages i kept, i looked at the photos taken, i read my friendster comments. But i very well know that, nothing is ever constant except changes. It's happening everyday and it's only a matter of drastic or minor. Well, i guess i should learn to lower my expectations and hence, my disappointments will be lower too. Bahh! Emotionally not very stable nowadays. Yucks! I hate it!
I better stop everything before i gets all emotional again. I better get back to books and sleep early. One last thing before i go, i just wanna say, i love my daddy! He is just like a friend to me sometimes. He bring me to places that not all dads will, and we will share some things that are kept in our heart when there's only 2 of us. It's like secrets you know =D And today daddy told me something, running away from problems is not a solution. Well. But i don't know how to solve beside running away from it ): Maybe that explains why i keep appearing offline nowadays. I just wish to be alone. Sigh! ):
If not for janice, i wouldn't have realise vacation is coming to an end. Oh man! Seems like the vacation only started last week to me you know. Now what?! It's coming to end!?! Hello?! I haven't have my fair share of fun yet! *Pouts* My zoo trip with baby, sentosa trip with classmates and meet up with a lot of old friends and not forgetting movies! I have fulfill none of the above yet! 2 more weeks, and i will be back to school compound mugging and project-ing like a dog again! Wth! Time flies like oh my god la! There are loads of things i have yet to do! ):
On a lighter note, this holiday i've made another bunch of new friends at work. No idea how long will we be keeping this passion on, but well, there were fun lots of people to be with. And based on the first impression, we sure are people of different personalities. Well, for the first time, i am kinda looking forward to go back to work later (:
Ahh! Well, nowadays i keep waking up with my heart thumping fast. I don't know why. Maybe i am feeling insecure. But wait a minute, isn't my bed and pillows my comfort? Hmm. Okay, i am being random here.
Damn! The paper is at 9am later. To be honest, i am not really very confident of it. Oh well, g offered to pick me to school later in the morning. Thanks buddy! Seems like i always trouble him though he always said it's okay ): Sorry g!
Well. You know what, this buddy of mine never fail to be there for me some way or somehow whenever i am feeling down. May not be physically here. But hmm, you know what i mean. To all, i think he is really a good friend. With all his doings all this while, sometime, i seriously can't help being guilty towards him for i think as a friend, i didn't really do my part. I can't be there for him whenever he needs someone to ): Sigh.
Many times, i looked back to the past hoping that things will still remain as it is. Every now and then, I read my blog archives, i read all the phone messages i kept, i looked at the photos taken, i read my friendster comments. But i very well know that, nothing is ever constant except changes. It's happening everyday and it's only a matter of drastic or minor. Well, i guess i should learn to lower my expectations and hence, my disappointments will be lower too. Bahh! Emotionally not very stable nowadays. Yucks! I hate it!
I better stop everything before i gets all emotional again. I better get back to books and sleep early. One last thing before i go, i just wanna say, i love my daddy! He is just like a friend to me sometimes. He bring me to places that not all dads will, and we will share some things that are kept in our heart when there's only 2 of us. It's like secrets you know =D And today daddy told me something, running away from problems is not a solution. Well. But i don't know how to solve beside running away from it ): Maybe that explains why i keep appearing offline nowadays. I just wish to be alone. Sigh! ):
Labels: myself, Poly mates, Work
Lousy
Tuesday, September 23, 2008 3:49 AM
// I realised, actually things haven't go back to normal for me yet. Maybe i take things a little too hard.
The lousy mood still lingers ever since afternoon, still feeling upset. What said in the dream keep replaying in my mind. I never remember a dream so clearly before. And never once i got so affected over it, because what said to me in the dream make sense. Upset that mom flared up on me just now over some stupid matters. Upset that i feel my life is in a mess and that i don't know what to do with it anymore. Thought i would see baby tonight, but didn't. Yes, i was disappointed.
Side-tracked a little. Just came back from study and mustafa trip with g and siqi. Feel like being alone, so asked g to drop me home first as they're were going for supper. Study was pretty alright. And mustafa is nothing amazing. To me, it's like some malaysia lok gok shopping center. But what's different is the smell. Oh well. Nothing much to comment actually. Wanted to use the laptop. Thought it was fine until it hung, eventually died on me. When i on it, it shows me blue screen. WTF! Sigh! I will see what i can do with it.
Just now G prompted me something out of the blue, "are you cheerful like before?". Felt so weird. Why did he asked me this? Well, come to think of it. Maybe i isn't anymore compare to the 1st day he know me.
Don't know why am i feeling so heavy-hearted all of a sudden. All i feel within now is so empty and cold. Feel so much like crying. I need a comfort. I want baby's hug and shoulder to cry on now. But it's not possible. How i wish she is here with me. Hug me to sleep for at least i know if i were to have bad dreams again, she will be here comforting me. All this will never happen i guess. At least not so soon.
Maybe i should go missing again. Maybe i should start working every single day to keep my mind occupied, to make myself tired. I couldn't stand it anymore. I hate it when my mind wanders. And i hate myself all of a sudden for being so temperamental, for being so weak ):
The lousy mood still lingers ever since afternoon, still feeling upset. What said in the dream keep replaying in my mind. I never remember a dream so clearly before. And never once i got so affected over it, because what said to me in the dream make sense. Upset that mom flared up on me just now over some stupid matters. Upset that i feel my life is in a mess and that i don't know what to do with it anymore. Thought i would see baby tonight, but didn't. Yes, i was disappointed.
Side-tracked a little. Just came back from study and mustafa trip with g and siqi. Feel like being alone, so asked g to drop me home first as they're were going for supper. Study was pretty alright. And mustafa is nothing amazing. To me, it's like some malaysia lok gok shopping center. But what's different is the smell. Oh well. Nothing much to comment actually. Wanted to use the laptop. Thought it was fine until it hung, eventually died on me. When i on it, it shows me blue screen. WTF! Sigh! I will see what i can do with it.
Just now G prompted me something out of the blue, "are you cheerful like before?". Felt so weird. Why did he asked me this? Well, come to think of it. Maybe i isn't anymore compare to the 1st day he know me.
Don't know why am i feeling so heavy-hearted all of a sudden. All i feel within now is so empty and cold. Feel so much like crying. I need a comfort. I want baby's hug and shoulder to cry on now. But it's not possible. How i wish she is here with me. Hug me to sleep for at least i know if i were to have bad dreams again, she will be here comforting me. All this will never happen i guess. At least not so soon.
Maybe i should go missing again. Maybe i should start working every single day to keep my mind occupied, to make myself tired. I couldn't stand it anymore. I hate it when my mind wanders. And i hate myself all of a sudden for being so temperamental, for being so weak ):
Labels: myself, Poly mates, Work
Back in action
Monday, September 22, 2008 6:24 PM
//everything is back to normal, i hope
Was in a not so good mood ever since i woke up just now at 4plus. So much for trying to make up for the loss sleep due to working for the past few days. Had a very very bad dream that made me cried bitterly after i woke up in shock. I burst into tears and messaged baby immediately. Called her and talked for a while for she's out. Still, i haven't really recover from it ): It was really horrible, it was so real ):
Anyhow, I was actually awoken by a call at 1plus from my colleague all because of one CHEENA KENTANG! Damn shit ass! Kept trying to push the blame to me for i think he only remembered i am the only girl there -.-! That unreasonable shit ass asked me to go down immediately to refund the phone for him. MAD PEOPLE! But my colleague resolved in the end i guess. Kudos!
Working at PS M1 roadshow for the past few days. Will be there till this sunday, off on today and tomorrow though. It was fun working with the people there. And it was amazing that we can hit off so fast! =D Especially 5 of us girls(gazel, meizhen, lina, lingli and i!). Wahahahas! I cannot believe it man. I am actually not the youngest there ): In fact, ahem, the oldest there -.-
Girls Power! (Both taken using N96 =P)
MeiZhen and i (: She's from NYP too! She said i kept smiling to her on the 1st day -.- Of cos la! Cos her booth is in front of mine what. Haha!
Promoters from Essential and qing yao(the one in center. Not from essential though). And thanks guys(the one in black, and extreme left)! Though we didnt hit our target, but still, good job! (:They have really put in effort! (They won't see this part though! HAHA!)
Meizhen and i again! (:
Was in a not so good mood ever since i woke up just now at 4plus. So much for trying to make up for the loss sleep due to working for the past few days. Had a very very bad dream that made me cried bitterly after i woke up in shock. I burst into tears and messaged baby immediately. Called her and talked for a while for she's out. Still, i haven't really recover from it ): It was really horrible, it was so real ):
Anyhow, I was actually awoken by a call at 1plus from my colleague all because of one CHEENA KENTANG! Damn shit ass! Kept trying to push the blame to me for i think he only remembered i am the only girl there -.-! That unreasonable shit ass asked me to go down immediately to refund the phone for him. MAD PEOPLE! But my colleague resolved in the end i guess. Kudos!
Working at PS M1 roadshow for the past few days. Will be there till this sunday, off on today and tomorrow though. It was fun working with the people there. And it was amazing that we can hit off so fast! =D Especially 5 of us girls(gazel, meizhen, lina, lingli and i!). Wahahahas! I cannot believe it man. I am actually not the youngest there ): In fact, ahem, the oldest there -.-
Girls Power! (Both taken using N96 =P)
MeiZhen and i (: She's from NYP too! She said i kept smiling to her on the 1st day -.- Of cos la! Cos her booth is in front of mine what. Haha!
Promoters from Essential and qing yao(the one in center. Not from essential though). And thanks guys(the one in black, and extreme left)! Though we didnt hit our target, but still, good job! (:They have really put in effort! (They won't see this part though! HAHA!)
Meizhen and i again! (:
Oh well. Not forgetting seeing those familiar faces while working. Saw justyn, liying, lizi and uhm i don't remember already. Hahaha! Justyn was so surprise to see me there. Haha!
That's bout all for the past few days. Sigh. I am quite worried for my supp paper. I am scared i can't make it. You know, studies is not my cup of tea. Well. Asked g out to accompany me to study later on. Thanks buddy! (:
I haven't been smiling ever since i woke up. Sigh. I still feel kinda upset. I don't like to stay home. It isn't like off day to me at all. Mom kept commanding me here to there, asking me why didnt i do this and that. Come on! Give me a break! Didn't tidy her bed for her, she also grumble! Wth!
I better get going before i am late for meeting G. Have a nice week people. And to all my dear friends, i miss you all ): Baby too! I guess i will see you only on wednesday ): 2 more days. Oh well! I am off ):
That's bout all for the past few days. Sigh. I am quite worried for my supp paper. I am scared i can't make it. You know, studies is not my cup of tea. Well. Asked g out to accompany me to study later on. Thanks buddy! (:
I haven't been smiling ever since i woke up. Sigh. I still feel kinda upset. I don't like to stay home. It isn't like off day to me at all. Mom kept commanding me here to there, asking me why didnt i do this and that. Come on! Give me a break! Didn't tidy her bed for her, she also grumble! Wth!
I better get going before i am late for meeting G. Have a nice week people. And to all my dear friends, i miss you all ): Baby too! I guess i will see you only on wednesday ): 2 more days. Oh well! I am off ):
Good for nothing
Tuesday, September 16, 2008 2:11 AM
I know it's not the end of the world. I know i still have the last chance to clear this module. Though i keep saying i am mentally prepared, but still i can't help feeling lousy having to know all my peers passed, and i failed. I think maybe i finally understand how zhili, abdul and liang yu felt back then or maybe now even. Knowing you are the only odd one, you can't help feeling rock bottom, you feel like it's the end of the world and worst, give up.
Haven't been best of moods lately. I am sorry. All that have happened is sending me on an emotional rollar coaster over and over again.
And baby too. Thanks for the comfort. Sorry if i make you worried. Sorry for keeping you up so late.
`though under the influence of alcohol, but the lousy feeling still stays.
Tolerating
Saturday, September 13, 2008 10:51 PM
I have been tolerant lately, maybe i haven't been. I swear i've tried my best to. Trying to keep everything to myself. But putting on a fake smile everyday is tiring. Maybe one day, i will just erupt like a volcano.
Maybe you will never understand. Maybe i expected to much. Maybe..
Maybe you will never understand. Maybe i expected to much. Maybe..
It's over
Thursday, September 11, 2008 3:51 AM
//In order to make it up for the absence of entry, i actually back track-ed the last post.
Thanks all for the concern. Sorry for being so emotional the past days. Everything are more or less considered over. I am fine now. Well. You might be curious to know what am i up to lately. Hmm. Nothing much actually.
Thanks all for the concern. Sorry for being so emotional the past days. Everything are more or less considered over. I am fine now. Well. You might be curious to know what am i up to lately. Hmm. Nothing much actually.
Caught up with jiaen last wednesday and peixuan on the following day. It was a good one i should say. Well, photos will be posted soon when i am less lazy =P
As for tuesday to this coming sunday, i will be working at marina square - starhub roadshow. This few days was practically rotting there cos not many customers patronising. Hence, sat there and do my own stuffs. I am gonna bring my psp to keep me company tmr and friday.
Happy 8th
Monday, September 08, 2008 12:00 AM
Well, happy 8th baby (: Loving you dearly still <3 Hope you will still hold on to me tightly like before and not let go. Don't give up on me, will you?
Labels: Baby Turtle
Crashed
Friday, September 05, 2008 11:37 PM
Not that i wanna be mean or nasty, but tell me, what should i do? I wanted to be angry, but i feel i don't have the right to. I wanted to be happy again, but the thoughts of it just simply holds me back. I wanted to be sad, but i feel pathetic.
This whole thing is messing up my life. And great news for now, i've fallen sick again.
This whole thing is messing up my life. And great news for now, i've fallen sick again.
`maybe i should learn to let things go
Thursday, September 04, 2008 4:31 AM
Fear overtook me for as though i am gonna lose something very soon. Or maybe i am already losing it. Screaming within, but nobody will ever hear. You thought it was easy, but it never was in the first place. Doesn't matter for I know, i am gonna face it alone this time round.
I wish i am better off dead. The hurt, the pain, you will never understand. Like i said, physical pain can never be compared to the pain emotionally. I rather wish i have one thousand and one cuts or more on me rather than going through the mental torture and heartache.
It is too much to bear, do you know? I am upset, and disappointed.
I wish i am better off dead. The hurt, the pain, you will never understand. Like i said, physical pain can never be compared to the pain emotionally. I rather wish i have one thousand and one cuts or more on me rather than going through the mental torture and heartache.
It is too much to bear, do you know? I am upset, and disappointed.
`Im losing everything, including myself.
Emotional
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 1:47 AM
I am feeling so emotional bout things now till i don't even know what to say or do. And that tears keep rolling down my cheeks on random intervals the whole of tonight. I really don't know what else i could have done to stop all these. I know i should be strong, but i simply can't help it.
I miss my girl so much now. How i wish her shoulder is here for me again this time round. Whenever things happen, the one i wish to see most is her and cry in her arms. I yearned for her hug ): But i know, she's tired from all the work and troubles i caused for her lately. I am a bad girlfriend. I always make her upset ): So often that i wish to make myself disappear.
Baby msg-ed me after she went offline. I tear at the sight of the msg. At least i know she care.
I have yet to clear all the tissues i threw all over my bedside.
Well. Am talking to andrea online. Thanks girl for comforting me. And thanks for the encouragements (: And that it made me tear double.
I have yet to clear all the tissues i threw all over my bedside. After crying so hard, my head hurts. Though im feeling slightly better(cos the thought of aunty doria is coming back, and i have excuse to stay out late). Still, don't comment bout it. Thank you.
To my baby girl. I am sorry. I know i've been harsh towards you lately. I know i am more than a bitch, a bastard, a beast, an animal to have cause you to be so upset lately. But don't doubt my love i have for you. It has never changed. I still love you the way i do. I don't wanna lose you, my precious baby. Iloveyou <3
I miss my girl so much now. How i wish her shoulder is here for me again this time round. Whenever things happen, the one i wish to see most is her and cry in her arms. I yearned for her hug ): But i know, she's tired from all the work and troubles i caused for her lately. I am a bad girlfriend. I always make her upset ): So often that i wish to make myself disappear.
Baby msg-ed me after she went offline. I tear at the sight of the msg. At least i know she care.
I have yet to clear all the tissues i threw all over my bedside.
Well. Am talking to andrea online. Thanks girl for comforting me. And thanks for the encouragements (: And that it made me tear double.
I have yet to clear all the tissues i threw all over my bedside. After crying so hard, my head hurts. Though im feeling slightly better(cos the thought of aunty doria is coming back, and i have excuse to stay out late). Still, don't comment bout it. Thank you.
To my baby girl. I am sorry. I know i've been harsh towards you lately. I know i am more than a bitch, a bastard, a beast, an animal to have cause you to be so upset lately. But don't doubt my love i have for you. It has never changed. I still love you the way i do. I don't wanna lose you, my precious baby. Iloveyou <3
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
Nothing
Tuesday, September 02, 2008 11:23 PM
I have no rights to comment and no rights to say. Maybe i have, but i wouldn't. Thought another day would have pass peacefully like before, i was wrong. My laptop has officially broken down, all thanks to 'someone'. And for now, i seriously hate her. I wish to move out of this house, then maybe everyone will be much happier.
I am always the cause of all unhappiness. Maybe i should disappear.
P/S: Please don't comment. Thank you.
I am always the cause of all unhappiness. Maybe i should disappear.
P/S: Please don't comment. Thank you.
