I Got You

fuck oFF!

Friday, July 29, 2005 2:17 PM

wad the f**k!!!
was bloggin halfway then the windows jus shut off!!
wad the bloody fucK!!!
jus got so pissed off easily after wad happened last night..
cca photo taking todae..
didn't take with them..
cos my eyes were swollen n i cant smile!!!
i reali cant!!!
so went back to clasS..
brought my uniform n stuffs to sch..
cabbed down with ling n ziyi todae early in the morning..
but i didn't get change..
evrybody was asking me why didn't i go..
so told them honestly i dun wan lo..

wad the f**k..
i hate it..
i hate my mum invading my privacy..
jus feel like shutting myself from the outside world..
off my hp n isolate myself..
feel like deleting all the msgs in my inbox..
but i cant bear to...
perhaps i should learn to be more hard-hearted =)
history repeated itself again..
i seems to be back to last yr..
cutting myself on purpose..
hurting myself..
n i seems to enjoy it..
not as serious as last time..
jus some lines on my arms..
hahas..
after tat i feel like a fool..
cos i look down on ppl who hurt themselves..
now..
i hate myself toO..
beginning to..
as i said before..
physical pain cant be compared to the pain emotionally..
so i use physical pain to relieve the pain in me..
stupid right?
yes i know..
go ahead n scold me if u wan =)
i dun seems like who i m anymore?
i give up hopes easily now?
perhaps..
hahas..
im not as great as u think..
im not as strong as you think..
so sry..
i think i cant liven your life anymore..
cos i NEVER have the ability to do tat!!!
i NEVER have the ability to cheer ppl at all!!!
I AM NTH BUT TROUBLE!!!!

now i know..
when ppl reali cant get hold of themselves..
they will do the thgs which they dun even wish to..
jus like me..
i tot i will nv cut myself again...
but i did it again!!!
im jus a bloody damn idiot..!!!

dun understand..
why others, their mum can trust them?
how come mine dun???!!!
why??!!!
wad the fucK i did??!!!
im trying hard to study now..
n i didn't get involve in any BGR at the moment..
why??!!
why cant she jus trust me???!!!
n wad if i have..
does it matter..
anyway she jus dun trust me at all!!!!
fucK off..
she nv give me any encouragement before..
she looks down on me!!!
whenever i feel a sense of hope..
her words will seems to take my hopes away..
why??!!!
why is my mum lidat???!!!
is not tat i wanna hate her..
I DUN WANT TO!!!
but she is pushing me to my limits..
i reali feel tat i cant take it anymore..
im tired...
im a human toO..
i need some support at times you know..
sometime i reali wish to leave this place..
far away from here..
from all the pain..
im jus a coward..
so???!!!
I M NTH BUT TROUBLE..!!!
leave me alone!!!

*`-in all human relationships, trust is most important-`*