uncontrollable
Tuesday, January 29, 2008 2:06 AM
Ever since the night I said, "let's break up", I said to myself never to think of him again. The day I found out those ugly truths from his blog, I vowed never to be soft-hearted again. The day I teared in dear's arm, I promised never to cry again over this unworthy relationship. The day I told him not to contact me, I told myself to forget him completely. Time will heal it all.
Tonight, he called again. I answered. There he goes with his honey-ed words. And to be honest, I wasnt a bit move. I just felt whatever he said were lies. Once bitten, twice shy. I dont wanna get hurt again. Never again. Especially by him. I wont allow him to hurt me again. I am getting more protective of myself. No doubt, I gave him a chance to say whatever he wanted to.
Maybe he meant what he said, maybe he dont. But does it really matter? No longer to me I guess. Why wait till when you lose something, then only will you learn to cherish? Don't say those things to me if you don't love me. Don't go hurting me again. I can't withstand the pressure anymore especially at this point of time.
As I was talking to him, mom came to my room. As soon as she realised I was talking to him. She started rubbing salt into the wound which made me even more stressed and frustrated. I am trying my very best to suppress those negative feelings within me. I kept quiet. I pretended I heard nothing. But she just went on and on which made me even more annoyed. I couldnt take it anymore. I blasted at her, asking her to stop. I went to the toilet, and I broke down again. I really couldnt take it any longer.
Nobody will understand what am I thinking bout now. Even I, myself don't understand too! Not that I am still unable to get over it. But it is not easy. It is not a thing that can be put behind me overnight. The hurt is still there. Something which only time will heals it all. For projects and assignments, not that I dont wanna do. Is I really dont know how. I really felt god damn stress! So stress that I can barely breathe. I feel like breaking down! I feel like giving up!! But I know I can't.
I seriously dont know how or what to do anymore. I am at my wits ends. I am really very tired. So is everyone I know.
One thing that will never fails to put a smile on my face at this point of time, is baby. I am glad that I have a loving baby who cares for me endlessly. Who always never fails to put a smile on my face by doing those silly things of hers and satisfied my craving every now and then. Sorry baby if I am unreasonable at times. You know, iloveyou so.
Anyway, I shall see how it goes.. .. ..
Tonight, he called again. I answered. There he goes with his honey-ed words. And to be honest, I wasnt a bit move. I just felt whatever he said were lies. Once bitten, twice shy. I dont wanna get hurt again. Never again. Especially by him. I wont allow him to hurt me again. I am getting more protective of myself. No doubt, I gave him a chance to say whatever he wanted to.
Maybe he meant what he said, maybe he dont. But does it really matter? No longer to me I guess. Why wait till when you lose something, then only will you learn to cherish? Don't say those things to me if you don't love me. Don't go hurting me again. I can't withstand the pressure anymore especially at this point of time.
As I was talking to him, mom came to my room. As soon as she realised I was talking to him. She started rubbing salt into the wound which made me even more stressed and frustrated. I am trying my very best to suppress those negative feelings within me. I kept quiet. I pretended I heard nothing. But she just went on and on which made me even more annoyed. I couldnt take it anymore. I blasted at her, asking her to stop. I went to the toilet, and I broke down again. I really couldnt take it any longer.
Nobody will understand what am I thinking bout now. Even I, myself don't understand too! Not that I am still unable to get over it. But it is not easy. It is not a thing that can be put behind me overnight. The hurt is still there. Something which only time will heals it all. For projects and assignments, not that I dont wanna do. Is I really dont know how. I really felt god damn stress! So stress that I can barely breathe. I feel like breaking down! I feel like giving up!! But I know I can't.
I seriously dont know how or what to do anymore. I am at my wits ends. I am really very tired. So is everyone I know.
One thing that will never fails to put a smile on my face at this point of time, is baby. I am glad that I have a loving baby who cares for me endlessly. Who always never fails to put a smile on my face by doing those silly things of hers and satisfied my craving every now and then. Sorry baby if I am unreasonable at times. You know, iloveyou so.
Anyway, I shall see how it goes.. .. ..
`Counting every steps I take
